4 posts tagged “family”

Its never fun to walk down this road.... Last night at about 1:something a.m. my step father passed away... Yeah
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't expecting it. He had terminal cancer, was 80 years old, had a broken hip.... And he 
lasted longer than even I would have imagined. Joe's death was half expected, but it was still a slap in the face.
My fathers death was a complete surprise, which makes it almost physically painful, even ten years later. 
But I've watched my stepdad deteriorate in the last few monthes.... It got so bad at one point I was praying for his  
death. He was 66 years old when we first met, he was always a big and strong man. It seemed like there 
wasn't anything he couldn't do. To watch him shrink and suffer through cancer and illness... was almost too much. 
It hurts so badly, but at the same time there's a sense of relief. Is that bad? To lose him was bad enough, but then
there was also the task of telling my niece. She's been with us through the summer. She loved him so much, when 
we finally had to tell her, you could almost hear her heart break. She knew that he was dying, but that still doesn't
prepare you for the initial shock. I can only hope that he's found peace. I just wish he knew just how much I loved him. 

A poem that my brother in law wants to have read at the funeral. 

Navy Hymn
~ Rev. William Whiting (1825-1878) 

Eternal Father, Strong to save,
Whose arm hath bound the restless wave,
Who bid'st the mighty Ocean deep
Its own appointed limits keep;
O hear us when we cry to thee,
for those in peril on the sea.

O Christ! Whose voice the waters heard
And hushed their raging at Thy word,
Who walked'st on the foaming deep,
and calm amidst its rage didst sleep;
Oh hear us when we cry to Thee
For those in peril on the sea!

Most Holy spirit! Who didst brood
Upon the chaos dark and rude,
And bid its angry tumult cease,
And give, for wild confusion, peace;
Oh, hear us when we cry to Thee
For those in peril on the sea!

O Trinity of love and power!
Our brethren shield in danger's hour;
From rock and tempest, fire and foe,
Protect them wheresoe'er they go;
Thus evermore shall rise to Thee,
Glad hymns of praise from land and sea.

So I'm still in richmond, and I was SUPPOSED to go and see my brother today, but he's a poo head so I didn't go. I don't know what the deal is, but he said that some rabble rousers got him and the rest of the crew in trouble, so they lost their pass. But as much as I love him, I just don't believe him. I don't know why but it just feels like there's something he isn't telling me. I don't know if he just doesn't want to see me by himself. I don't know.... But he says that when his wife and her daughter come down for thanksgiving, that they will come to the beach and see us. I'm just so over it. I don't want to give up on my brother because everyone needs that strong shoulder, or atleast someone for support. But sometimes its just difficult. Maybe its that the time of the month is near, but I just feel like something is up and problems are a foot.

  In other news, it is official. Shrimp and my stomache do not like eachother. At all. Which sucks for me because I love shrimp. And crab cakes, but it looks like I will be denied those pleasures from now on. Oh well, there are plenty of other food groups to choose from. And after wallowing, two doses of Alka seltzer plus cold, and a nice hot shower, I'm starting to feel a good deal better. I could go for something hot in my stomache. Something along the lines of Tea anyways. And now I'm going to get going to look up plane tickets, and then head back to my hole and cuddle up with my book and goodies. Toodles

That annoys the crap out of me. So I'm currently in richmond, in a tiny little hole they call a "Business Center" at the Crown Plaza Hotel. Its a teeny little room with two computers and a printer/scanner/fax. Its funny. I'm here with my mom. She's the one who has to attend a bunch of meetings. I'm pretty much here to veg and pamper myself until we go home. And yet ofcourse, this is the day my body chooses to wake its ass up early. -_-; I'll go to bed at friggin 8pm at home on a week night, and I'll have trouble hauling myself out of bed at 11am! Talk about frustration. Anyhoo, I need to look up directions to Fort Lee. I'm going to see my brother today! =^_^= Haven't seen him in ages. The last time was for my dads funeral. I think... Anyways, can't wait. XD If I can snag a computer later, I'll hop on and share the rest of my day.

Ta!

P.S. Kudos to B.O.B. for picking a nice decent semi fancy hotel. =D

So, how did do with that weekend goal? No goal? What did you do this weekend?

Well, the weekend wasn't too bad. I had family down from New York. My younger cousins are big pains in the butt, but I enjoyed having them down. Its not often I get to see either of them very often. I made my aunt happy by braiding her hair. My aunt cookie is just.... well, she's a good person who has just had it hard and made some really bad decisions along the line. All she wants is for someone to love her and not treat her like an imbecile. Her old boyfriend Salvita got her hooked on drugs when she was younger. He's also the slime responsible for getting my other aunt Pennie hooked on them too. I know I know, They didn't have to say yes, but it was the seventies, they just moved to New York from Puerto RIco. They lived in poverty (according to my mom. walked five miles to school in the blistering heat, blah blah blah) and according to my limited knowledge, I'd call them innocents. My grandmother came to New York with My mom, and three of her sisters. The other two stayed on the island... I think. Pennie is a small woman, but she is very very strong. She was able to leave her addiction behind, but she still lives with it. I remember how she was when I was younger. It frightened the hell out of me. Every morning was the same story. I'd wake up about 6 or 7 in the morning and just sit because there wasn't much else to do in the morning. Melissa and Cesear would still be asleep. These people slept a lot. Pennie would wake up at about 9 or 10.... sort of. She'd get up and walk to the bathroom. It was a halting strange and swaying sort of walk. The bathroom was a small rectangular room. Typical for a little apartment in the bronx (Gunhill). When you walked in, a pedestal sink was on your immediate right, with a little mirror cabinet above it. in front of you, was the toilet. and in the back right corner, right next to the toilet, was the bathtub. The left wall was bare, save for a large mirror. Pennie would stand in front of this mirror for what seemed like an hour. I'd watch her sometimes. She'd just stand there... looking in to the mirror.... and pop pimples that weren't there. It was like she was awake but sleeping at the same time. Then she'd finally close the door. The shower water wouldn't turn on immediately, but eventually. What else happened, I don't know. Not sure if I want to. One time, I saw her stash. She sold. She asked me to get some money for her from a box under the spare bed. It was just a little tin strong box. I didn't see sandwhich bags filled with white powder or anything like that. Rather, I saw large wads of rolled up bills. and at the bottom, were what looked like little pieces of cardboard, but thinner. In fact, now than I think on it, they looked like the little pieces of paper thin card stock used to protect razor edges.. Some had tape around them. My imagination puts powder along the edges and joints in the box, but I doubt I saw much more than that one little suspicious looking pieces of paper. I would have looked more, but I was scared. I'm not even sure if I was called for the money, or for something else in the box. It's important to remember our past... so we can make proper decisions today. I've tried grass a few times in my life. With years between each of the four instances.... but anything more than that.... no. Never. That image of my aunt looking just...stupified in front of that mirror.... will always stay with me. And I'm afraid that Cookie will be trapped in that state. She tries... but...some people just can't seem to find their way... no matter how hard they try.