7 posts tagged “life”

I can't believe that I'm finally doing something. Mike and I turned in our apartment application on sunday and ofcourse we were approved. I'm told I was being silly for worrying about wether or not we'd get the approval, but what can I say, its something new. When it's something this new, I have to worry. So hopefully by late march or early april we will have the apartment we've been waiting for. We want to get a second floor apartment with a porch/patio. The square footage is a little less than the apartments without the porch, but they are very nice. The porches are all screened in, and they are a very good size. The fitness room they have is amazing. It's almost like going to a full sized gym at the rec center! They've got a full circuit as well as three of each cardio machine you can imagine.

In other news, I'm coming up on my last semester at my beloved TCC. I've applied for graduation and I have begun to pester the graduation application staff to make sure mine goes through smoothly. The due date is the 15th of january, but I want to make sure that any issues are taken care of before it's too late. I have paid my tuition in full and I actually have money to spare for car payments, phone bills, and my water treatment bill. Not to mention, this is all after the holidays. I have to admit, I'm very impressed with myself. This is definately a first, and I don't mind admitting how pleased I am with myself. I can definately feel a change has occured within me and that I really can do what I set my mind to accomplish. My goals aren't just pipe dreams. They can be real and I can follow through. All I have to do is trust myself and do it. I can't say that I'm a huge fan of Nike, but I seem to have adopted their slogan "Just Do It". When it comes down to the wire, that's all one can really do. It's funny, when I decided to go back to school, thats exactly what I told myself. I was wondering if I could really do it and finish and go all the way. After a time of worry, I said "Just Do It!" and I did. Now here I am, ready to finish up school, ready to move out, and ready to start a new life. It might seem a bit over dramatic, but it's true. Once I leave my childhood home, thats it. I can't come back. It's not that I wouldn't be welcomed back, but it's taken me so long to get to this point, I can't let myself retreat to what's comfertable. I want to be a trail blazer in my life.

So it's a New Year, and there are plenty of oppertunities to take advantage of. A "new" goal that I've set for myself is to eat healthy. I know, It sounds like a broken record, but I've already started. Yup, I'm going two days strong. The other night I had my first Panic Attack of the year. I was convinced that I was having a heart attack, ofcourse I was fine, but still. I'm tired of being paranoid that I'm going to die in my sleep this early in life. I know that I'm going to die, I'm not trying to cheat death, but I want to Live... not wait. So, baby steps are what I'm starting with. The eating first, that way I can build up my energy. The walking will come next, and then I'll start working on the gym.

Well, as I'm sure you've gathered, I'm going to graduate this semester. That means, I need to get a real job. Well, to help me with my health goals, I am going to try and apply at Geico and Walgreens. They are not what I have gone to school to do, but it is a stable job that I can count on while I look for my dream job. Also, I have the tools I need to do a bit of free lance work. This way I can build up a portfolio while I go for my goals.

Well, I need to get off my patooty and get to work. So off I go. Good luck to all in your new year.

Its another beautiful Monday morning! And that is said with no hints of sarcasm. The air now has that cool autumn crisp in the mornings that just makes me feel good inside. And as I walked from the parking garage to myy school building this morning, there was the DELICIOUS aroma of fresh baked bread with sesame seeds. The sesame seeds gives it a different smell than just fresh baking bread. Its a smell all its own,  and it is intoxicating! 

I'm alive, Writing something.

School has been going well. I finished my Student Orientation class the other day. I already took an orientation class a while ago, but I had to take an art orientation class for my current degree program. Blah. But it was very helpful. Been working on my portfolio book. And its coming along swimingly! ha ha. That because I am using Fish as my focus. =^_^= I have to go to the art building this weekend to get some work done. I've got some really good fish sketches that I will be putting up on DA soon. I am loving life, sorta. Its early and I am living with my mother again. *sigh* I think I'll be playing the lottery a lot more often these days. Or atleast twenty bucks a paycheck. *sigh* Well, off I go. :-p

So I did a little shopping today. Picked up some stuff for school. Notebooks, a few little pens and highlighters. A Binder and a super cute Daily Organizer. I also picked up a nice big accordian file. I am determined to get organized, even if it kills me. >:O  I also got a new Wallet. Its a long wallet for lots o cards, photos, and a check book. I like it. All of my loads of change fits in there better. What I SHOULD do is put it all in my piggy bank. Ugh, that reminds me. I need to get registered for anime usa, AND I need to pay off my card so it will be ready for use when we go to Crystal City. *sigh* Too Much Crap To Do! I have to get back on track with my car payments, and I need to save up money for my insurance come this October. Blah. Nothing like randomly writing to remember all the stuff you need to do.

My stress level has just been through the roof as of late. But I am trying to get back on Vox to let my thoughts go. I'm also trying to eat better. I'm not eating a lot, and I'm not eating late. I'm trying to cut back on the junk. I got sick a few weeks ago. I'm pretty sure it was due to all the stress, and a flu bug that put my on my ass. BUt it really scared me. Not to mention the fact that walking through the mall had my legs just above the ankle hurting. And the back of my lungs too. Not good. But I'm trying to develope better habits. I'm trying to keep the house clean so that way I have less to worry about when I come home. This way, I'm hoping to free up some time to go walking (and eventually, soon hopefully, Running....). I don't know why I used to think that "Someday when I get a boyfriend who loves me, everything will fall in to place and I will live happily ever after". Everyday I realize what a pathetic fantasy world I used to live in. And still do, to a degree. I need to get it in my head that I will not be living in this house forever. I won't be able to, not with my mother here. And, I can't keep depending on people. I really need to get my stuff together so I can get my own place. That is my big dream these days. Right now I'm looking into second job oppurtunities. If I can find one that fits around school and the gift shop, I might go for it just to get a little something for my savings account. Hopefully I'll do a lot better when My V.A. checks come in. *sigh*. Well, its getting late. I need to start getting to bed a lot earlier too. Oh well. I'll let you know what this Student development class is all about tomorrow. *gag/rolls eyes* I hate these mandatory intro classes. Half the time I never know what exactly its for, but I always get an "A". How wierd is that.

SO, things have been rather busy as of late. Mercedes (my co-worker at the gift shop) got fired, so I have had to work every evening for the last two weeks. It sucks, but I'm getting paid. And hopefully I will get paid even more when I start working on the new website. I'm going to make a web site for the gift shop. Its most likely just going to be a little something on Bravenet. I like Bravenet better than angelfire. SO I'll be taking plenty o pictures this weekend. And either tomorrow or saturday I will finally have the new computer set up. Internet or not. I can always take the lap top to my moms house and piggy-back if I get really desperate. Things with Mike have been going great. I had a bit of a break down the other day, but he really helped me out. I'm pmressed by the simple fact he didn't dump me then and there. But we've been adjusting to "couple status" and things are ok. Both he and I have had out hard ships and as he said, we're both coming from very guarded positions. Hell, for a while, I wasn't quite sure how to be a proper girlfriend. Mostly I just sit there, enjoy his company and try not to freak out over the little things. If there's anything else I should be doing, please drop me a note. =^_^= lol. We don't hang out too often. Mostly the weekend is when we get to see eachother. We'll talk on the phone during the week days, but his job is starting to tax his nerves, so the conversations are short. Sunday he bought me a cute little case for my cell phone. Its pretty and its red. =^_^= I like it. It fits nice and snug. Now all I need is to get my damned phone fixed/exchanged again. -_-; I love my little phone, but its been rather frustrating so far. Alltel is great, I get local service in places I never did before, but I haven't been able to send or recieves pictures for almost a month now. First I was told it was a problem with the network. And now they tell me its a problem with the phone. Grrr >:( But hopefully things will get straightened out soon enough.

Nekocon, a local anime convention, is happening this weekend. I was going to go, but I am so broke its ridiculous. So, I'm going to have to skip out on that. It sucks, I really wanted to go. But oh well. I'll live.

HappyFeet is coming out on the 17th! =^_^= Mike outright refuses to go with me. =( But he did say he will buy two tickets so that me and my friend Tay can go. =D Which is awesome. I get to see a cute movie for free X3 Yay! Things things some boys will go through to avoid girly movies. :-p lol. Well, thats all I have the energy to share right now. I think I'm going to go and veg in front of the TV for a half an hour before bed. Or *gasp* might even read. I should be working on my novel though. Blah. National Novel Writing month started yesterday. I've barely writen 500 words. But I have started, which counts for something. =) I'll work on it some more tomorrow morning. And I've got this weekend. I'm going to try and stop by best buy to ge a  thumb drive, that way I can take my novel to work with me and work on it on saturdays. =3 Teehee. Well, off to bed I go. Tata!

Sometimes, I wish I could live portions of my life as if in a montage. I could tackle hard tasks, and thats when the music would start and things would get done. In no time flat, a house would be built... or some other random accomplishment :-p Unfortunately, I get to sit around and wait.... I hate waiting. And then when time actually gets here, I'm too lazy to get up and finish. *sigh* If only life came with a cool sound track.

Well, thank goodness that I was scheduled for today off. But I still have to go into work tomorrow. It will be late, but I don't know if I have to open up. I don't know what I can handle right now. I still feel... on edge. I've dealt with death before, but never suicide. Jeremy will be back home next week. I wish it could be under happier circumstances. Today I had to tell Angie. I told a few people, but I was afraid with Angie. She's eight monthes pregnant and I didn't know how it would affect her. I went and told her in person. The phone almost broke me last night. I've been in and out all day. I can't stay in one place for too long. I can't stay idle or else I'll start falling. I don't want to be depressed over something I had no control over. I still don't understand why, and I don't think I ever will. For a long time now I've conditioned myself to be optimistic. I don't want to lose the little bit of optimism I have left. Its the only way for me to get through my days. My plans are weak and flimsy, but going to a friends funeral was definately not on the agenda. I still have no idea when that's going to be. Both Joe's parents and jeremy's parents are in a world that I hope to never be in. Ever. So, to try and get my mind off of things I went and saw a movie...

  I took my friend Christine with me to see Accepted. It did a lot to lift our spirits a bit. It didn't make the hard feelings go away, but being able to laugh and forget for a while felt really good. There's a bad thunderstorm rolling in tonight. A little bit of rain has already fallen. Hopefully more will come and the plants will come back. Tomorrow is a new day. I can't stop because someone else decided to take their life. I need to keep living mine. After this weekend, perhaps with a little more ferver. Mark's accident, Angie's baby shower, and now Joe's death.... they all seem to form a sort of demented picture of life. The things that can happen, the birth new things, and the eventuality of what awaits us... and we have absolutely no control over any of those things. I've never been good at philosophizing... I think I'll try and get some sleep now. The thunder will be my lullabye...